Anatomy of a Saint

Happy New Year 2021 and Feast of Mary Mother of God! January 1st

January 31st, 2003. Wondrous Deeds, part 1

The Gulf of Mexico was churning. The waves were crashing hard on the shore, spitting up malformed shells from the depths of the sea onto the beach. They weren’t the perfect peach or pink scallop shells you’ll find on sunny calm days. These were grey, black, and disfigured and didn’t look much like shells at all. The skies were just as grey and the damp raging wind had a stiff chill. As, I walked along the beach with my four year old son and nieces in tow, I wondered, what the heck were we doing out here? Then the squealing laughter of the kids reminded me, over the past 4 days we had been going stir crazy trapped inside a 2 suite condo with 6 adults, 3 children (under the age of 8) and 3 large dogs due the stormy cold weather. Oh and I was pregnant! As I walked along the shore praying my rosary, my anxiety about my pregnancy was lessened but not entirely gone. We were cautiously excited and told our family the news during Christmas dinner. Everyone was super excited but you could see the hesitation in their eyes and hear it in their voices, and with good reason. It was my 9th pregnancy, of which I had only given birth to 1 child, Luke. The other 6 babies were lost early before the 2nd trimester and 1 baby, Francesca, had many complications. Late in the 1st trimester we found out she had a chromosomal disorder, trisomy 18, which the doctor told us was incompatible with life (I will save her story for another time). Not only were my past losses a concern, but so was my maternal age. I was 42. YIKES! How did that happen? That is a story for another time too.

On the beach that day, even though I had experienced so much loss, I still felt so close to God. Although I was worried about losing this baby, I still held onto hope, if even by a thread. I actually had, at that time, surrendered and trusted God more than ever. However surrender, in my experience , is an ongoing, day by day, second by second endeavor. It has been at the core of my journey, my path back to God. Honestly, at that moment, I still had a lot of trust issues. It was like a protective armor, because realistically another miscarriage was possible. The doctors were uncertain why I had so many miscarriage, apart from my age. This wavering of trust helped me understand and give insight into the human heart, especially the hearts of the Israelites as they wandered through the desert complaining after they had witnessed with their own eyes the parting of the Red Sea. Much like them, but nothing quite as theatrical, God had showed up in my life and shown me so many wondrous deeds. So many moments of utter awe, wonder, and astonishment. He had given me His Grace to carry on. He had shown me His mercy when I didn’t deserve it and filled me with His peace when I least expected it. So many “God winks” or “God-incidences”. True miracles – Luke for one. But this day, on the Solemnity of Mary Mother of God, December 31st, he would give me one of the most tangible wondrous deeds of all. One meant to be shared, so that you will know Emanuel, God is with us. As I walk praying Hail Marys looking at the odd sea shells and not knowing what to think of them, one twisted shell caught my eye. I picked it up, turned, twirled and examined it at all angles. My eyes widened, unsure of what I was seeing, and thinking, maybe I was seeing only what I wanted to see… but it was actually so clear to me! No longer incredulous, I thanked Mary!! I thanked God! I was filled with so much joy. I was comforted and an affirmation to continue to surrender and trust. The next day on the Feast of Mary Mother of God, we went to Mass at the Catholic parish directly across the bridge from the island. The name of the church is Our Lady Star of the Sea. You be the Judge and let me know what you see!!

My 2nd miracle baby, Joseph Marion Logan, was born on August 11th!

God is real. I pray this brings you hope. I wrote this for you!
There is SO much more to the story….for another time.